A moment of levity between all the hair pulling. -cpg
From Education Reform-iness
Tallahassee - In a spectacular performance, super hero reformer Michelle Rhee pulled off a pitch perfect one-two bamboozling in the FL Senate & House education committees yesterday, and was then heralded for it.
In talking about putting ‘Students First,’ she recommended such anti-student measures as firing teachers, cutting the budget, and tying teacher pay & job security directly to test scores.
In her senate testimony she said the following (or at least something kind of like it):
“Teachers spend a lot of their own money on classroom supplies already. They won’t notice if they have to spend a few hundred more because you’ve cut $703 per student across the state. Those who do notice won’t care. They wear the amount of money they spend like a badge of honor. More opportunities to spend more on Florida’s students will increase their bragging rights. CHIC-A-BOOM!
“This feeling of satisfaction will be increased by the happiness they’ll feel contributing to their own pensions. As ‘professionals’ who feel they serve the greater good of society, they’ll feel valued knowing they’ve spent their career caring for your state’s children, and that in retirement the state won’t care for them. POW!”
In talking about teaching itself she struck a similar tone.
“Merit pay has been reliably shown to be entirely ineffective. That’s why you should totally do it. Think about it this way, districts pay for it, not you. BAM! And, want more evidence schools are failing? Enact this policy and in just a few short years you’ll have it! Win-win!
“Plus, merit pay is a great opportunity to increase business opportunities in FL. You’ll need over a hundred different tests developed in order to judge teachers. Who’s gonna write those tests? Who’s gonna grade them? Who’s gonna analyze them? Teachers?! People who are in the classrooms putting students first?! Pah!
“Unregulated businesses, that’s who! Here’s an opportunity to take tax payer money and funnel it to your favorite corporations! That’s jobs! That’s re-election funds.
“What’s more, you’ll stick it to those pesky unions that try to protect teachers’ basic rights to due process. KER-POW! Eliminate anything resembling job security and hinge everything on standardized tests and you’ll be golden, I promise.
As Rhee left the FL capitol building, senators and representatives could be heard chanting:
What we want? TEACHERS FIRED! When do we want it? NOW!
What we want? TEACHERS FIRED! When do we want it? NOW!
Afterward, Senators & Representatives were clearly smitten.
“All I have to say is: wow. WOW! What a woman! She is amazing. I’m ready to stick it my district right now!” reflected Senate education committee chairman, Sen. Stephen Wise, R-Jacksonville.
Senate President Mike Haridopolos, R-Indialantic gushed, “Amazing! Absolutely amazing. She should be a motivational speaker. I’m a different man after hearing her speak. I may be in love. (Don’t tell my wife.)” His cheeks turned red before continuing, “She truly understands the Republican agenda of today.”
“I wish we could have her as our Education Commissioner. She’d rock!” mused Senator John Thrasher, R-Flagler. “Despite her DC firings being overturned, her students’ low test scores being revealed, and entire communities & teachers being marginalized by her myopic practices, she powers on, blind to research, best practices, and what’s best for students. And she’s a master of rhetorical propaganda. ‘Students First’? Brilliant. Her support of Governor Scott’s education slashing budget and our teacher crushing policies clearly puts ‘Us First.’ I’m with Haridopolos. I’m in love.”
Thad Altman, R-Orlando, was left speechless, and could only utter, “Who was that caped crusader?”
In unrelated news, applications for colleges of education fell by 23% this year.
http://edreformpr.tumblr.com/post/3218141108/fl-legislature-treats-rhee-like-a-superhero
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