Bullying problems

From the Sun Sentinel.com

by Stephen Feller

Jodee Blanco was bullied as a kid, and dealing with the combination of cruelty and being shut out of social groups motivated her to want to help children avoid both bullying and being a victim. She brought her anti-bullying program to North Broward Prep this month.

In the past eight years, Blanco has become a best-selling author and brought her anti-bullying message to more than a half-million children and adults across the country.

Educating people that bullying is not just about being mean, but that also not showing compassion is almost the same thing as actively bullying, can make a very big difference for people who will carry that through life.

"I would rather have school be a place of compassion and tolerance than just a place where you can learn to go to war," Blanco said. "The whole idea is to [compel] the students [to have compassion] and teach that bullying isn't just joking around – it damages you for life."

Were you bullied in school?

From fifth grade through high school. I was the kid that nobody wanted to hang out with - I struggled through that like many students. Most bullied students are old souls. They typically are intelligent and of a sensitivity that is far beyond their years, and struggle to fit in. What the adult community rarely understands is that while that bullied child is mature for their age, they struggle to fit in.

In the last several years, there has been a lot of talk about actually stopping bullying, which wasn't the case not too long ago.

Bullying is not new. Abuse has always existed. After Columbine, America started waking up to see that it's not just kids being kids…I think now since there's been so many school shootings and bullying related suicides people are thinking about it.

Is bullying worse now than it ever is?

No, it's not. The impulse to bully is the same. The only difference is that it's easier to cut a wider swath. Thirty years ago, somebody could pass a note through math class. Now, it could be posted on Facebook or YouTube, or texted to the world…30 or 35 years ago, when I was being bullied, when I got home I could escape the assault. Maybe not the loneliness, but the assault. Now, kids can't escape it because of the Internet.

What do you think about people who say it is a big mean world and kids need to be prepared for it, or at least that bullying is just a part of growing up?

No, that theory doesn't apply because it's counter-intuitive. Kids aren't cruel or mean on purpose, bullying is about the desperate need to fit in – the bully and victim are opposite sides of the same coin. Saying kids have to prepare for mean people and school is the best place to live through it is ridiculous. Kids have to live up to their higher selves. They need to find out the best they can be and live up to it. Kids have to be taught compassion, and tolerance, and acceptance.

What is the question you hear most from parents?

The things I hear most are: How do I deal with the school? How do I deal with the parents of the bullies? Part of what I do is teach basic communications skills. Most of the time, it's not the kids, it's the adults that are the problems. The adults usually represent the biggest obstacles.

How about parents whose kids are the bully?

When I do a student presentation, I'll normally get 10 percent of the audience who come up to me and want an intervention. Half of them are kids who are the victims. But half of them are the mean kids who didn't realize that not letting somebody sit with them at lunch or on the bus was mean. After they hear my talk, they want to make amends to their victims.

Some of these ideas have been around for a while. Why do you think schools haven't formally included this with their regular lessons?

Many schools do. When I go and work with the schools, I give them specific curricula that allows them to integrate these things into their plans. New Jersey just specifically started to require it, for example, so a lot of the schools are making the effort.

http://www.sun-sentinel.com/health/fl-mcf-bully-0120-20110119,0,6876411.story